cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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