Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday