mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
As shirtless as possible
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think your dad took our porno
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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