I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
