Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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