so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
