If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
