The maid of honor just puked.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize