My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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