the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
