i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
