oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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