dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
