Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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