Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
