it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
