just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
