help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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