Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
