She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
