Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Randomize
