Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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