I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sorry about my life...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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