guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
