Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
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And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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