im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
