dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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