listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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