you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
