Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
