he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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