piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I want to fling myself into the sun
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
