When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize