She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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