I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
