Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
