Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
