Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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