mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
