I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
