so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i think i just lost a toe
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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