"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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