Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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