Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My pussy is not your playground.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
