Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
