dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
