well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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