why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Randomize
