I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
