I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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