You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
3 2 1 whiskey
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
