2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize