dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
