She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
