You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Text me some of your sweat
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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