White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
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