whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
